“The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” Luke 6:45
We’ve all done it. We’ve all said those words, that phrase, that cut right to the heart of the person we were talking to. Like an artfully precise Chinese throwing star whipped out of our back pocket, we’ve hit the intended target. Meanwhile, somewhere in our flesh, an emphatic fist pump and a “bulls-eye” was shouted as we demolished our opponent.
“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21
Later, when the dust settles, or maybe instantaneously as you see the hurt in your “opponent’s” eyes, you may realize you have celebrated prematurely. That “opponent” probably wasn’t really an “opponent,” but someone you cared about. Suddenly those lethal Chinese throwing stars feel like they’re burning in your throat and the fire of them burns right into your soul.
“And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell….but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.” James 3:6, 8-10
I confess…I feel my words are probably the most hurtful with my children. Those dear, sweet boys of mine can bring out the worst of me: my anger, impatience, and biting words. I forget how literally they take phrases and words, and I also, in that flurry of anger or frustration, forget that I am their life-line. Their security, their stability, and their basis for love is woven into their relationship with me. I fail them, and moments later, when I see the hurt on their faces, I see the damage of my own poisonous tongue. If I had just waited those few moments to respond instead of react.
“Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, for the anger does not produce the righteousness of God.” James 1:19-20
When I lose my cool with them, otherwise known as “flip my wig”, my words may not be the issue, instead it may be the spirit in which I say them. When we’re angry, we often don’t go forth in righteousness. No, not often at all. The result is that I must then go forth in humility and ask them for forgiveness. I have to show them my heart, one that must have some real ugliness in it to speak to or at them that way, and ask them to love me despite it. I try my best to model how to handle the dichotomy that exists in a heart of flesh. It necessitates grace. It’s the very reason we have to humbly ask forgiveness of God our Father, who loves us despite our ugly bits and gave us grace in the form of Jesus.
“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18.
Oh, the failure that I am! Am I really so reckless?? After all, I’m an adult now, shouldn’t I have a bit more self control at this point? Any pain that I cause on my loved ones only adds vinegar to the wound. Yet this is an opportunity to show my children what brokenness before the Lord looks like, that the fight to choose Jesus over my flesh is lifelong, and while it gets easier, the fight never ends. It’s a life-long journey in sanctification.
“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29
In shepherding my children’s walk toward the Lord, I find that as I am refining them, I am refined. I fail at the same things they fail at – just on a larger scale. How do I effectively lower the boom on my son for calling his brother an idiot when I tell him he’s being a bully??? Jesus holds this double-standard up to me and points out the need for grace. Grace for my children and grace for myself. Where would we be without grace??
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26
I’ll tell you where…a world of hurt wrapped up in our fleshly body, plucking out other assassins’ Chinese throwing stars and flinging them back in a non-stop, tit-for-tat battle to wound others more than they wound us. Without grace, without God as our strength of heart and portion, we would be stuck in our failures. We may not be able to ever tame the tongue, but God’s strength of heart and portion of power can. It is a battle, alright. But the battle is His and He’s already won. We just have to allow Him to win in us.
“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness…” 2 Corinthians 12:9
