I love a good summer garden.  Despite the work that is involved, the yield is so worth the time and effort it takes to grow delicious vegetables.  Late in the spring, I painstakingly tilled and prepared the soil, and then carefully planted seeds and young vegetable plants with the expectation of a great harvest.   I took on my garden this year with the knowledge that my family’s summer would be drastically different than anything we had ever known, yet I couldn’t escape the call to grow.

There is no question that the Lord had laid groundwork for our summer.  The soil of our own lives was being tilled and amended.  My husband and I both felt something coming, as if we were being prepared for something bigger, something more.  Looking back, we saw instances where He had strengthened our resolve, proved our faith to be well-founded, and had shown Himself actively present so that any doubts and fears would be hard-pressed to find a spot to take root.  That preparation was essential, however didn’t make this season any less painful. Nor did it take the place of necessary growth that would need to happen and is still happening.

There is an isolation that comes with growth, however.  As friends and family rallied around us and dedicated themselves to praying for our family, we were in no shortage of support and absolute love.  Yet it seemed that the Lord had beckoned us to a spot where we were alone with Him.  It was a place we couldn’t bring our friends and family to, because the work there was between us and Him.  It was personal to what pruning needed to take place in us, and where we needed to grow new roots.  And it allowed Him to pour out His love on us in ways we can only credit to Him.

One night, as I prayed over the profound ache and isolation that I felt, He showed me that I was exactly where He meant for me to be. I was reminded of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane and the place of “further still.”When Jesus must have felt those same emotions, only so much more intensely.

Remember, Jesus had been surrounded by His twelve disciples for the last supper.  It had been an intensely intimate time with He and His closest, most trusted friends.  They then traveled on foot together to Gethsemane.  He tells the majority of them to sit while He goes to pray.   He takes his closest friends, Peter, James and John, a little further into the garden.  In privacy and the safety of his best friends,Jesus confesses the state of His soul: distressed and troubled.  Asking them to remain there in watchful prayer, Jesus then walks “further still” into the garden.  There, it is just He and the Father.  There, He is able to sort through what is God’s will for Him, what He must do, and gather strength.  There, in the place of “further still,” He feels agony, fear, anxiety, hurt and desperation.  Jesus pours these emotions out before the Father in prayer, and gathers His resolve to walk out the rest of His purpose.   When Jesus leaves the place of “further still,” He is confident in what He must do and determined to carry out God’s perfect plan for Him and for the world.

When there is a path or plan that we’re called to walk out, it isn’t always going to be pretty or exciting.  There can be fear, pain and hurt.  There can be anger, profound sadness, betrayal and loneliness.  Jesus felt all of those when God beckoned Him to go further still with Him.  Is God asking you to come further still with Him?  There are a few lessons we can take from what Jesus modeled for us there:

1. It’s ok to mourn your circumstances. That night in the garden, Jesus asked repeatedly that He not have to carry out the plan as God had asked.  Yet in the end, after prayer, sweat and tears, after expressing His totally natural fears, doubts, even anger to His Heavenly Father, He left God’s presence with a resolve to carry out God’s will.  Listen, His will and way are hard sometimes.  In fact, we’re never promised that it will be easy.  You don’t always want to walk the path that God asks.  But Jesus surrendered to God’s plan and left the garden.  That’s the example we’re to follow.Surrender to what God’s doing and leave your circumstances in His capable hands.

2. The place of further still isn’t a destination for all of your family and friends to go. Jesus takes all His disciples to the garden (with the exception of Judas), but He only takes His most trusted friends deeper to express the full extent of His pain. Yet even his closest friends were unable to fully understand His situation, or even remain awake to fully support Him in His time of need.  And He didn’t take them to the place of further still – that was between He and the Father.  God alone was in it with Jesus for the long haul.  He alone could provide the understanding, the support, the strength and the power to do what Jesus had to do.  That is what a relationship with the Father looks like.  The disciples weren’t meant to be His strength.  Nor are your friends and family.  Being alone in the further still is meant to drive you toward His providence, so you’ll search out His strength and rest in His presence.

3. Going to the place of further still doesn’t mean you have to pretend that all is well.Jesus didn’t share the true extent of His sorrow with all of the disciples yet He confided in those He could trust. We aren’t meant to hide behind a façade by constantly wearing the brave face.  Take the friends you can trust with your vulnerabilities to the “further” place, allowing them to pray with you, and for you.  Choose the friends who would remind you of God’s presence, goodness and love.  Remember that they can’t be expected to be in the “further still” place that the Lord may take you, but they can certainly stand watch and pray on your behalf, speak words of encouragement and truth to you, and love on you on behalf of the Lord.

Are you feeling isolated in the midst of a trial or hardship?  Or perhaps you feel God calling you to a deeper place with Him?  Don’t fear the place of further still; instead, surrender to it.  It’s a place He calls us to in order to renew our strength in Him, and Him alone.  It’s a time of hard but beautiful intimacy with the Lord, where we can and should pour out our hearts to Him while being comforted and strengthened in Him.  Our relationship with Him is replanted and watered there, and our growth happens in this deepest place of further still.

Heavenly Father, help us to see our trials, our pain and our suffering as opportunities to grow closer to you.  As we pick up our crosses and follow the example of Jesus, even in the garden, allow us to see you at work in us as you renew our strength, steady our faith, and console us in your love.  We delight in our time with you, Lord, even in the hard times.  Thank you for your faithfulness.  In Jesus’ holy name, Amen.